Why Survivors Stay in Toxic Jobs
credit: andrea piacqu
Why is it so hard to leave a job you hate? There might be more at play than the obvious.
There is no way around it; most of us need a job (or two) to make ends meet. It’s a necessary part in affording our everyday lifestyles. But what happens when the job we have to go is toxic? Are survivors of abuse more prone to enduring higher stress environments at work longer than their non-survivor peers? Why don’t we just pick up and leave a position that we know is destroying us?
Staying in a harmful work environment cuts off our potential to earn more, be valued for the gifts that we possess, and keep us from reaching our true potential. To understand the mechanisms at play when navigating a toxic job, we must first verify that it is one. Below are tips to help identify if you’re in a work environment that puts you on edged.
SIGNS OF A TOXIC JOB:
High Turnover. Have you noticed that many of the people that were around when you started three months ago have either quit or moved departments? Companies and/or that have a difficult time retaining their staff likely have a deeper issue they aren’t addressing. It’s simple, really. If people aren’t happy with the way they are being managed, they will move on.
Negativity. Are your coworkers constantly complaining? Are the supervisors in bad moods, hassling those around them, and setting unrealistic expectations for people to meet? A lack of trust, anger, bullying, poor communication, copious gossip, a lack of support, racism/ageism/discrimination, fear of being fired and resentment in your peers at work are not red flags you should ignore.
Bad Bosses. Leadership is one of the most critical components of a healthy workplace. If your boss displays signs of narcissism or is difficult to approach, it makes asking simple questions a major source of anxiety. When bosses seem disconnected from their team, offer political answers that don’t answer the real questions, or have a hard time advocating for you, it can make being at work tricky.
If you find yourself in one of these environments, now it’s important to understand the implications it can have on your health. Staying in a job that isn’t good for you can have long term impacts, including burnout and depression.
SIGNS A TOXIC JOB IS IMPACTING YOU:
Physical. Whether it’s losing sleep over something rude your boss said to you or going to bed late because you don’t get enough free time to yourself from working long hours, missing out on Z’s can cause fatigue, high blood pressure, and feelings of depression. Stress can also manifest itself through weight gain/loss, anxiety, heartburn, etc.
Emotional. Do you seem more edgy or paranoid? Stress can make you feel jumpy, distrustful, sad, irritable, and hopeless. These feelings can eventually leak into your relationships and personal life. Toxicity can also impact your spiritual life by making you feel disconnected from the source.
Financial. Ongoing stress make cause you to make impulse purchases to temporarily feel better, spend more on indulgent activities (i.e. eating out, drinking), or blow your savings all together.
WHY YOU MIGHT BE STAYING IN A TOXIC JOB:
Old patterns. It is not uncommon for survivors of abuse to have unusually high thresholds for stressful environments, as we grew up in them and our brains might be registering this toxicity as familiar. Does your overbearing boss remind you of an oppressive parent? Does your manipulative coworker trigger feelings of a bullying sibling? Be aware of what patterns your toxic job has in relation to the environment you grew up in and make sure you aren’t repeating old cycles.
The belief that you’re needed. Although you are highly valuable as a person and a professional, it does not mean that the company you’re at values you at the same level. Some companies see their employees as replaceable. It’s harsh, but take an honest look at how you’re viewed. When other people around you quit, how quickly were they replaced? Did management seem genuinely sad that they left? Your position is likely highly replaceable and not worth sacrificing your health over. Take your talents to a job that will recognize and nurture them.
Friends and loyalty. For some people, they have endured the trauma and drama of their jobs because they’ve made excellent friends and feel a sense of loyalty to them. If you are afraid of losing your friendships because of leaving, you need to question how strong the friendship really is. Are you trauma bonding instead of connecting over meaningful things? Yes, you may see your friends less frequently, but you may also be a happier version of yourself when you leave and able to give more of yourself in a passionate way to the relationship. If the friends around you can quit, you can as well. Perhaps you will be the role model and be the first to turn in that resignation. At the end of the day, you are making a move to self-care and be healthy. Reflect on where the guilt is coming from (an old place?) and rise above it.
Fear and gaslighting. Genuinely toxic jobs can be just as damaging as abusive interpersonal relationships. Take a look at who you were when you first walked into this job on your first day versus who you are now. Have you lost some of your light, hope, and optimism? Blame, punishment, manipulation, and dishonesty from your company might have something to do with that. Where you are now is not where you are meant to be the rest of your life. Think of yourself as a guest that came to the company to learn something and better your career, then excuse yourself to continue your journey of learning. Life is too short to subject yourself to emotional abuse, sexual harassment, and other damaging behavior because your environment has worn you down to 24/7 exhaustion and doubt. Remember who you are,envision who you want to be, then get up and go for it!
Feeling trapped. Do you feel trapped by looming bills and responsibilities outside of work? Then it’s time to get creative. How can you better position and make yourself more marketable at a higher wage for other companies? Check out different online certifications through Harvard Online Programs. An abundance of free and affordable YouTube videos, online tutorials, and Ivy League extension courses exist. Start sharpening your interviewing, negotiating, and professional skills. How-to books are always free at the library, on Spotify (as audio books), or cheap on discount sites. This will also give you a sense of purpose and keep you hopeful that a better fitting job is just around the corner.
If you need permission to explore other options, this is offically it! You are worthy, you are capable, and you got this!