Childhood Trauma & Emotional Spending

credit: mikhail nilov

Do our early experiences really impact the decisions we make as an adult? Yes, but there’s hope.

It’s been said that life is a series of decisions, large and small. Decisions arrive before us everyday, in many forms, and of varying degrees of importance. So, why did you drop $300 on a vacation when you can’t even make rent this month? How did you decide to spend your extra $5 on a magazine at the checkout stand instead of investing it in stocks? Do these types of decisions really come from a deeper place? How does being a trauma survivor factor into all of this?

Recent studies indicate that early adverse experiences in childhood can lead to risk-taking behavior later in life, and that these negative experiences actually change the way our brains are shaped to read signs of danger. This specific study cited that individuals with trauma may not register the same warning signs that others are being alerted to, therefore they keep moving forward and are later surprised by the negative outcome. This type of risk-taking behavior may manifest in a multitude of ways financially, including impulsive spending, gambling on the stock market instead of making informed choices, or using money to feed unhealthy habits (i.e. drinking, racking up credit card debt).

A traumatic event, or series of events, can be further complicated by our living circumstances. Food and housing insecurities only exasperate an already difficult foundation of moving through the world. So, what can we do to combat these circumstances?

TIPS:

  • Recognize and acknowledge your behavior. Slow down and look at your spending and what influences you to make these decisions. Are you an emotional spender? Are you broke before each payday and feel surprised by where your money went? How are you contributing to not having enough money?

  • Write it down. List the things you spent money on this month that weren’t absolutely necessary for your basic survival. That includes new clothes, going out to eat, drinking with friends, shopping for things other than food and toilet paper. Be honest, ignore the inner voices trying to justify why you bought them. You aren’t judging these purchases, just writing them down.

  • Connect the dots. Next to the items you listed, write out what was happening for you at the time. When you booked those plane tickets, were you highly stressed at work? Did you have an argument with your partner? What internal need were you trying to meet by making that purchase?

  • Create alternatives. Now that you have a glimpse into what was happening for you, look at the emotions/impulses behind those instances and figure out what you could do next month as an alternative to spending. Are you lonely and needing quality time with people? Can you join a MeetUp group and go for a walk or plan an activity for less than $5? Are you ordering too many drinks when you go out because you’re socially anxious? Be vulnerable with yourself and talk it out.

  • Forgive and grow. Now that you know you’re human, forgive those points of weakness and choose to grow from them. Grow by acknowledging your inner child, nurturing yourself on a deeper level, and creating a healthier balance in your life to start minimizing the spending hangover. You can do this, I know you can!



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Why Negotiating Salary is Difficult & Awkward

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Trauma & Money: What’s the Correlation?